Pretty Simple Life

Navigating Womanhood In The Modern World

7 Things I Want My Boy To Know About Girls

The first time that I came across the ‘Bois (boys) Locker Room’ incident, I was horrified! My second reaction was, “Well, that’s not surprising!”. In a country (and probably the world) where misogyny is a way of life by way of culture and heritage, it is really not hard to believe that teenage boys from influential schools think so degradingly of women. It is easy to claim that these kids have not been brought up well (despite the fact that they come from wealthy families), it is easier to blame everything on the society, which has also been my usual response as well. But now that I am mother to a son, such incidents have started having deeper impact on me.

It worries me that my son is born into such a society. It worries me if I will be able to enable him to learn the right things about (each of the) genders. It worries me that no matter what he has learnt at home, if he will be able to stand up to the pressure of toxic masculinity that his peers or the society are going to place against him in his school or college or even in adult life. But I so sincerely hope, I am able to help him understand the following things about girls (or all human beings in general):
 
  1. Girls are not your personal property. In fact, any individual, other than your own self, is not your property – not your parents, not your partner, not your spouse, not even your kids! So you have no right to make choices for them nor do you get to judge how they choose to live their life. You always need to respect them, even if they are different than you.
  2. Girls don’t owe you s**t – even if they are in a relationship with you. They do not owe you their bodies, they do not owe you their beliefs, they do not owe you their intellect, neither their past nor their future. Any part of themselves they choose to share with you is entirely up to THEM and they will always be the rightful owner of it – be it their body or any representation of it. Never you! If something bothers you in this respect, you are always free to talk about it to them or choose to end the relation if your understandings do not match. But nothing, I repeat, NOTHING entitles you to any part of her body, mind or soul. And that is why there can be no place in your relationship for any kind of coercion, violence, blackmail, disregard or breach of trust.
  3. How a girl chooses to dress does not define her character. How you choose to perceive her or speak about her definitely defines yours. Choose wisely.
  4. Jokes about sexual assault are JUST NOT DONE! EVER! Neither are threats.
  5. NOTHING can justify violence, ever! Period.
  6. Sexism is not cool. Misogyny is not cool. Patriarchy is not cool. What is cool is that you understand the meaning of these terms and live a life in which these systems are not a part of your personality, beliefs or vocabulary.
  7. It is alright if you don’t end up successful in your life, it is alright if you do not end up as brave or wise or kind as I wish for you to be. What I sincerely hope you do not turn out to be, is a spineless jackass with a dick. Be anything in life but THAT.

Peer pressure is ugly. To give into it is easy and uglier. When the pressure you face is opposed to your value system, no matter how difficult it feels, always stand up against it. Your so-called ‘friends’ will not remain in your life forever but your conscience will. When things get more overwhelming than you can handle, I hope you always come and find me, or anyone else you can trust. If you don’t find that person in your circle of trust, always, always seek a therapist to talk it out. No shame in that, ever! 
 
I love you and I hope you always find the wisdom and the courage to do the right thing in your life.
Mom
xoxo

Conversation With My Friends in the Time of Corona

Apocalypse Escape Plan by my favorite 9 yr old!



Hello friends!


How are you doing? I hope you are able to maintain your sanity in this extended lockdown period. I just pray that these times get over soon and we can be back to our normal self soon.

Daily activities take up a lot of my time and in addition to that, talking every day to family and friends has been helping a lot. You remember my crazy group of old-time girlfriends? A few weeks ago we spoke to each other about the current situation in their respective place of residence. Here is an excerpt of our conversation (published with their consent, of course!). It is eye-opening and heart-warming to see the similarities in experiences and the impact difference in cultures is having on people’s lives:


D1 is an events planner in Australia.
V is an IT Project lead in the US.
D2 is a banker in Vadodara, India.
M is a stay-at-home mom in Saudi Arabia.
N is a stay-at-home mom (and an Air Force spouse) in Coimbatore, India.
And yours truly, stay-at-home mom in Jaipur!


D1: It has been very stressful. My husband is working from home, my elder daughter is having school holidays and we have stopped sending the younger one to day care. So there’s no break in the household work. My (party planning) business has been affected, I had big plans this year. I am keeping my sanity intact by trying to distract myself from Corona updates. Netflix and Amazon Prime have become my life savers! Also watching motivational videos and killing time on social media.

N: I am feeling okay-ish too. Just that kids related chores have increased. Thankfully, the husband is at home so that has been a great help otherwise managing all this alone would have been very difficult. We are getting a lot of family time, so that’s the positive side to it.

D1: I would recommend everyone to watch ‘Tidying up with Marie Kondo’ on Netflix. It was a big eye opener for my husband and I. It’s the need of the hour.

V: As you all are aware the infected cases in the US are more than any other nation. Everyone is scared here. Racial tension has increased. People are abusing anyone who looks like a Chinese (Japanese, Koreans etc.). People are equally scared about losing their jobs. In the history of the United States, never have they seen so many un-employments registered;it has crossed about 10 million. Clearly, the US, the so called advanced country was not prepared for this pandemic.

We had to let go of all the contractors and temporary workers. Some friends have lost their job already. We are feeling very scared to step out of the house. Going to the grocery store is like going to a war zone. We have to be prepared with sanitizers, mask and all. Just before the outbreak, my mother-in-law had come to visit us and thank god for that. Both kids are home and both my husband and I are working from home – One from the basement and one from the office room. We both get up at usually the same time, work out a little, go for a walk, get dressed as we used to and start working. It makes us feel less lazy and trying to feel normal. We even have coffee breaks together and talk about work, bitch about bosses 😛 


On weekends, we have group video call with friends and visual parties. We are also using this time to get in touch with cousins and friends we haven’t spoken to in recent times. 


Things we have realized recently is – people here cannot live without toilet paper! I have seen people fighting over the last bundle of toilet paper in the store! And I think I do not want to get old here. It’s the worst country for old people. No one is taking care of them.

D1: I feel sorry for the people of the US. Is anyone following the US news and their President? He is more entertaining than any other Netflix series. 

Australia announced shutdown of non-essential business and 1 million people lost jobs overnight. The government announced several relief and stimulus packages to save people who lost their jobs. Not the Australian government has succeeded in controlling the spread of the virus and deaths considerably.

D2: I can tell the story from a different perspective. I have to go to work each day and we come int contact with lots of people from all classes, communities and age groups. The first few days, it felt good – calm and quiet roads, not many people )post demonetization I seem to have developed a phobia for large groups) and less work. It started feeling weird and even eerie after a while and now I can’t wait for the lock-down to get over. 

It is like going through a ghost town, where everyone is scared, people who come in are viewed with suspicion and emotions are running high. W have specific time slots when people can come out and buy staples and it is being pretty well-managed by the enforcement authorities.

The home front has been a little tough with the maid not coming and the kids who are otherwise used to a lot of physical activity are being restricted. My biggest challenge is keeping them occupied. Thry are very confused and even have a meltdown on why does this stupid virus exist! Fortunately, my mother had come just in time for Ugadi and is like a blessing in disguise, though she is stuck here during the lockdown, it is a help for me with the kids. My dad is at Hyderabad and has rediscovered his enthusiasm for sketching and painting. 

I honestly thought this whole thing was not a big deal and a form of flu that is just being blown out of proportion [ the poor immune systems of the west unable to handle it and a bad case of fear mongering, fueled by social media. I wish there was a solid conspiracy theory to describe everything going on but I really want things to go back to normal. I feel privileged in a way but for lots of poeple wjo confuse boredom-loneliness and being alone, there is only so much isolation that one can handle.I have friens who want to talk on whatsapp teh whole day even if it is meaningless and mundane, because they feel ‘stuck’. Some even said that they are feeling an inexplicable feeling of ‘losing’, not sure what.

M: Oh God, even I’m sick of cooking 4 to 5 meals in a day. On top of that, the schools have started online classes and day to day course is being uploaded on the website. We are supposed to make the kids study as per schedule. 

V2: I’m trying all kinds of quick snacks using the air fryer, insta-pot and what not! Thank God, my mother-in-law is here so she makes the main meals. I cook the breakfast and snacks.



Dalgona Coffee experiments in Australia



D1: My version of Dalgona coffee.

D2: What’s Dalgona coffee?

S: Gaur se dekhiye iss aurat ko! This shows you’ve been working too hard and you need to take leave from work and waste time on social media like rest of us.

N: Same here girls..Please tell me also what’s Dalgona and why is everyone going ga ga over it?

V: Which world are you living in girl? My dad lives in a village and even he asked me have you tried Dalgona coffee? With so much peer pressure, I had to try it at home. It came out pretty god though 😉

P: Yeah, even I didn’t know it man! But my mom knew!

S: Parents are more advanced these days..lol.


D2: Yes, may be they’re using Tiktok 😛 

D1: Haha..saree challenges have become old fashion now so I was checking what’s trending. Someone who has nothing to do uploaded this video of Dalgona coffee in Tiktok and it has become viral. In the end I found out, it’s just a normal cold coffee. It’s called Dalgona coffee in South Korea.

S: Haha..I am staying in a guest room now, so I do not even get to make my own tea.



D1: Shilpa, you must write a blog on this – 10 ways to kill time on Social Media 😛 

….and so I did!

xoxo

How Are You Doing?

Hi! How have you been?
I have been MIA here on the blog because the soldier finally received his family posting and we were busy spending time in his leave and packing up whatever little of our world we had unpacked. I wanted to give you all a surprise with the new destination but here we are!
As it was time for us to leave with bags and baggage, Corona had started becoming a matter of concern in Maharashtra. We had been mulling over whether to make the move or stay back but in the end decided it was better of us to travel at the earliest as things might only be getting worse. So we took all the possible precautions we could and left by road (ruling out train and flight). We only stopped at smaller towns with no known cases staying with relatives where we could. After several days of getting stuck in between, we managed to reach our destination a week ago where we are under quarantine for 14 days (because of our travel).
These times are weird. The world showed drastic changes last year (like all India floods, Australia bushfires etc.) but 2020 has defied all assumptions. I believe it is the Earth’s ways to slow us down or may be a tiny little pause in our mad race towards advancement. All I know is that the world would not be the same after the pandemic ends. 
Here are a few things I have been feeling lately:
The pandemic: OK, it really has me worried (like everybody else). Life has just changed overnight and the uncertainity of it all is just so frightening. But like all of you have pointed out, we need to look at the positivity of it all – getting quality time to spend together. It is also a time to express gratitude because I have a family I don’t mind being quarantined with, roof over my head and food on my plate without having to worry about it. My heart goes out to all those people for whom family has been toxic and work was an escape, workers and business whose income has come to a halt, a lot of our population who cannot afford to buy bulk food. I just hope things get better soon and if I can be of any help to anyone reading this, please let me know. May be you just need someone to talk to? Write to me! DM me on Instagram. Anything! If you are staying in a locality where you can help someone with some food, or may be you are around an elderly couple or a new mom with a baby, please do try to help in whatever way you can!
A scary movie: I thought in the given times, it would be fun to watch the movie Contagion and so we did! But boy, it has me s**t scared now. It is so eerily similar to what is happening now and just the scenes where they show how the virus spreads so rapidly has left me not wanting to touch ANYTHING and just lock my family up in a room and also probably give up on eating any kind of animal product ever! Well, we are kind of living that life now, so…
Managing a toddler: Honestly, it is like any other day because even when we were back home, we would still be indoors most of the day and would only go out in the evenings to the park. Of course, other outings like going to to the grocers or to someone’s house is out of question now but thankfully we are in a cantonment now and we have a tiny little garden space right outside our room where I do let the bub play in the evenings. I have my husband with me and it is easier to manage the bub now without feeling overwhelmed. 
Passing the time: We wake up late in the morning (because nothing to do?!) and have a leisurely breakfast. It is such a weird feeling to have breakfast as a family of three as it is the first time we are experiencing it in two years! Breakfast is followed by some play time for the bub in the garden and shower etc routine for us. We are staying in a guest room (and under quarantine) so there is no cooking involved and we receive all our meals at our room. Once we are done with our morning activities, we play indoors while the husband catches up with office work (WFH). We have our lunch between 1-2pm and then its nap time. We are out to play in the garden by evening 6 and come back home by sunset. Its some more play, dinner, play and once the bub goes to sleep is when the soldier and I catch up on movies and shows. I watched Captain Marvel for the first time last week and enjoyed it! We are hearing great reviews about Asur and Special Ops and planning to watch it soon. The husband has also caught up on many movies of his liking which I do not enjoy much (read Vin Diesel and Jason Statham types) which I love catching up on YouTube videos. Some of the Youtubers I really enjoy are Jovita George, Scherezade Shroff and Bake with Shivesh. Basically speaking, I like to watch a lot of makeup tutorials I will never try and food recipes I’ll never make 😛 I had been carrying only one book with me (as I forgot packing it in the main baggage) and I read a couple of pages from it once in a while. 
Anyway, how have you been? Are you keeping well? Tell me what all have you been upto, what are you cooking and what shows are you watching?
Take care!
xoxo 

What Are You Reading Currently

Hello, everyone!
How have you been? A couple of weeks ago on Instagram, I asked you all for suggestions because I was in a mood to read a really nice romantic book. I do not really enjoy the writings of popular modern Indian authors so was looking for either a classic book or a heart-warming old-school love story. I got a lot of wonderful recommendations (mostly The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks which I had already read many years ago). So, finally after much search, I decided to buy Paris for One And Other Stories by Jojo Moyes, the queen of modern day romance novels!
We all know Jojo Moyes for her bestselling book Me Before You (also a movie starring GoT Khaleesi Emilia Clark and dreamboat Sam Calfin). I chose Paris for One simply because it was a collection of 11 short stories, so I could basically experience different types of romance stories in just one book which is a win-win situation for a moody reader and a busy mom like me. This is my first Jojo Moyes book and so far I am loving her writing! Her stories are warm, funny, sometimes dreamy (especially Paris for One which is similar to the Bollywood movie Queen but just the kind of Parisian fantasy romance I love) but overall like a cosy fleece blanket in this crisp winter weather. I am already halfway through and tempted to buy more of her work.
I am also intermittently reading the first proper parenting book that I bought last month and would review it as soon as I am done. It is more like a reference book so I am taking my time with it.
That’s it from me. 
What have you been reading lately? 

Weekend Links

Hello everyone!

What are your plans this weekend? I have been working on a couple of exciting blog posts that I can’t wait to share with you all! Your suggestions on what I should be writing next are always welcome and help me so much to navigate this blog towards a better course. 
Meanwhile, here are few links from around the web that I have found interesting this week:
Did you know that women also helped draft the Indian Constitution? Why did they never teach me this in school!?
Gender-neutral barbies are here! Thoughts?
Have you watched the movie Joker yet? One week into its release and it is already being touted as one of the best movies ever made! Here are 31 interesting facts.
This door!
This looks like a fun movie!
Every 90s Indian household ever. Lol! Also, I am glad that so many women are coming up in the stand-up comedy scene.
Hope you have a great weekend!
xoxo!

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