3 New Moms On Motherhood

motherhood, mom blog india

If I could summarize my first few months of motherhood in one line, it would be, “WTF, why did nobody warn me about this?” You know, motherhood in general and especially when a woman gets pregnant, is painted to be such a rosy role of life – baby cooing, you feeling the highest ever heavenly bliss you could ever feel because you are holding a gift from God, that once you become a mother you will be elated with joy, your family will be complete and your marriage will be stronger than ever! Unfortunately, it is rarely true. When you actually become a mom, families start disintegrating and there is a serious dent in your marriage if you do not take care to tread beyond your ego and . Worst of all, in navigating all of this process, you lose yourself – you forget who you are or who you once were (before you had the baby), you don’t know what are you doing on this planet or what do you want from life. You have this tiny little human being dependent on you for their survival and the only thing he knows is – YOU! Yet, you feel inadequate, you feel not good enough or strong enough or worthy enough to take care of this beautiful creature. To put it plainly, motherhood is hard! It takes time and a lot of learning to get going and find a comfortable, safe and happy space between you, your baby and your family. But unfortunately, when you become a mother, and before you become a mother, and anytime every in your life – NOBODY talks to you about it!

So I decided to ask three new moms to share their raw, unfiltered, thoughts, feelings and emotions on motherhood to let you know what having a baby is REALLY like. Because trust me, it’s more common than you think. I have been there. Each mother I know has been there. So here it is:

“When Shilpa asked me how I was feeling, I was at a loss of words really! It’s too much, I’m feeling too much! I didn’t want to say, I’m exhausted of feeling this much and don’t think I can find the words. I sat on it a few days and I’m still not sure I know all of the words but here - I’m tired. All. The. Time. Not just physically, mentally too! I’m thinking all the time and making mental lists I’m too tired to make physically! I’m in pain. Physical, killer pain! I’m angry at the people who say, “Oh Cesarean , you’ve had an easy way out!” Yes! Be poked for a spinal 4 times, undergo an open surgery and then all of a sudden, be responsible for a newborn who’s completely dependent on you for survival. Then while you’re in acute physical pain and sleep deprived, deal with a baby who won’t stop crying and be judged on the very first day of having him to be a bad mother who doesn’t even understand her kid. Die of shame, die a little of anger, a whole lot of guilt and actually, because this is way harder than you could imagine in any world! Realize that as an Army wife, you’ll physically be the only one doing this, freak out, a lot! Get frustrated with myself for freaking out. Get frustrated with the baby for not latching, for not nursing and not sleeping at all! Get annoyed at myself for getting frustrated with a small, innocent baby! Feel the guilt of not lactating enough, for being too tired to want to hold the baby. Feel the guilt of my baby not being fed enough and not regaining his birth weight in 2 weeks! Feel guilty of the jaundice relapse and more poking in my newborn! Feel massive guilt for not being able to do all that I did for my first born who just happens to be a puppy! Feel tired and not being able to sleep. Finally finding time to sleep and all thoughts of guilt rushing in. Finally falling asleep, only to be woken up minutes later by a crying baby. But sometimes, when I put my face in front of his, he stops crying and screaming and just smiles at me! And in that moment, everything feels worth it! Times when both my babies snuggle against me and sleep blissfully, even if just for a few minutes, all pain is forgotten! Only thanks is given. Have you ever felt so happy, so grateful, so much in love, that it tires you? Haha that happens too! (Ikya, mother to a 4 month old baby boy)

“Giving birth to a child simultaneously gives birth to a mom. Like how the baby initially suffers to adjust to a new environment, I too suffered getting accustomed. My journey with my daughter in the past two months was not a cake walk, it was quite challenging. I suffered for 16 hours in pushing my baby naturally but I could not and ended up with C-section. After giving birth I could not hold her till 5 days. After coming home, I ended up having extremely painful breastfeeding where me and my daughter both suffered a lot. The haunting questions - "Did I already fail at being a mom?"- could not sleep at nights. I was just pushing days meeting many many doctors on why a healthy me couldn't fullfill my daughter’s hunger. I literally pushed days, even hours and did not know what to do. Moreover, the people surrounding me scared me, I even got scoldings from my mom starting from holding my baby to feeding her. The baby blues, post partum ups and downs just toiled me. I just told myself after 5 weeks that my daughter is growing up and I won't get these days back ever so I started patting myself and said, Yes, you are doing well,” and I'm learning to live my days rather than pushing days. As new mommies, we all want to hear ' Yes, you are doing great!' but believe me you’ve got to be extremely lucky to hear them because no one gives you any medal for doing good but small disagreements on handling your baby will make you hear harsh words." (Anjana, mom to a 2 month old baby girl)

"Honestly speaking I didn’t know anything about motherhood until I became one myself. Nobody will tell you the cons about it - neither your mother nor family members. They will be like “Beta, ho jayega.. humne bhi toh paale hai bacche, it’s not that difficult, sab ho jaata hai. Tum pehli maa nahi ho iss duniya ki.” But it’s such an emotional, mental & physical roller coaster ride I tell you! My baby girl just turned 2 months old few days ago. And trust me, these last two months, I must have cried a zillion times, got frustrated & what not. And postpartum depression is a real thing until I started facing myself but thanks to my husband who was there with me though only for 15 days (being a Fauji), he anyhow didn’t let it surpass me & helped me coming out of it. Basically adjusting to this new tiny human living in your home is a seriously challenging transition that occurs when you have a new born. You are permanently exhausted no matter how much sleep you get, you wonder if your baby is eating enough, eating too much, sleeping enough, if you’re producing enough milk, if you should supplement with formula etc etc etc. Becoming a mother makes you realize that you can do almost anything one handed (literally), haha! At the end, when you see ur child smiling & giggling at you, you realize that everything you went through or are currently going through is all worth it and as I read somewhere that the best advice you can give to a new mother is that ‘ Everything is a phase‘. So just enjoy the phase you are currently having because this time won’t be back and neither their childhood." (Priya, mom to a 2 month old baby girl)

Thank you ladies!

Do you remember your new mom days? What was it like?

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