How I lost My Swearing Virginity…In Front of My Mother


1. This post contains expletives.
2. This behavior is not endorsed by the Army, my husband, his unit or any of the related personnel.
3. Dear Random Unknown Senior ladies, as this post is not about you, kindly do not take any offence.

If you know me, you know what a goody goody girl I’ve been (no evil smile here). I’ve never sworn at anyone. Not as a way of habit or stress management at least.

And ever since I’ve been married into the Army, I’ve taken extra care to polish my language and mannerism to be more ‘lady-like’. Except that I guess the 'verbally liberal' and 'non-judgemental' military lifestyle has sneaked into my mind sooner than I could realize.

So … this happened today. I returned home just about an hour ago, totally exhausted, when I got a call from my mother’s number. The call went something like this:

Le me: Hellooo

Caller (male voice): Aye hello!

Le me (confused): Helloo.. (just checking if it’s not my Dad)

Caller: Haan bey

Le me: Kaun

Caller: Kaun kaun bey..Main hoon

Le me (now sure, it isn’t my Dad either): Sorry, wrong number hai

Caller : Wrong number kya bey

Le me: Cross connection hai.

Caller: Abey behenchod. Kya wrong number

Le me: Wrong number dial karke gaali kyun de rahe ho, bewakuf!

Caller: Abey behenchod

Le me (now completely losing it):  Abey TU behenchod! Wrong number dial karke mujhko gaali de raha!!..saale behenchod phone rakh!

Caller: Ruk, teri awaz nahi aa rahi , fir se phone karta hoon.

I disconnect the phone.

Silly cross connections!

I get a call from mother’s number again.

Le me (now agitated): Hello!

Mother (perplexed): Kisko gali de rahi thi..bola wrong number dial karke gali de raha bewakoof.

Le me: 

Dear girls, ladies, parents and children, please note – there is something called as one-sided cross connection.

Lesson well learnt.

Somebody please hand me over the ‘The Guide to a Life as a Perfect Army Wife’ again!!

On an afterthought, I really appreciate my improving confidence in handling miscreants. Something I so thoroughly lacked earlier.

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