Ladies, I'm back with another kickass interview :D Meet Aditi Mathur Kumar, the best-selling author of my favourite and the MUST READ book Soldier & Spice: An Army Wife's Life, a popular blogger, mother to an adorable 3 yr old girl and an awesome person. Of course, a dedicated Army wife completely in love with her man and the organization. Here she shares about how marrying into the military changed her life 180 degrees, why a wrap around skirt is a must-have in an Army wife's wardrobe and how marrying a fauji doesn't have to mean the end of your career:
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| That book! |
How did Army happen to you?
Army
happened to me rather dramatically and the story can be written as some sort of
a Hindi Movie screenplay. In fact, I can write another book on it. In short, we
met, fell in love, faced a few complications, and eventually got our Happily
Ever After. Until I got married, Army had very less role to play in all of
this, other than the fact that I was drawn to him in the first place, because
of his impeccable manners and drool-worthy chivalry, which is a rare bird these
days.
What was your welcome prank?
There was no welcome prank for me – Yes, none - because when we entered
the station where he was posted at the time, the entire unit was away for some
outdoor practice. I stayed like a civilian in my new fauji acco for 4 days
before the unit was back, and by then, no one wanted to prank me. My loss, I
know. Sigh!
Describe Aditi before and after Army
happened to her.
The Aditi before the Army-Wife-Life was an extremely casual and loud girl
from the mad Advertising world, who wore Tees and Shorts to office and said a
certain swear word after every 5 sentences. The Aditi after becoming an
Army-Wife is trying to learn the ropes of the elegant and grand world of Army
Wives, while trying to keep her fucking language in check. It has been 6
years, and I although I am still a long way from being a seasoned and “Lady
Like” Army Wife, I find the process to be super fun. Wearing sarees like a Desi
Swag Queen, cooking 5 course meals while speaking to an irate client from Hong
Kong, finalizing his Digital Media Plan, and teaching my 3 year old to be a
strong individual, while crying inconsolably every time I watch the movie LOC Kargil – I’d like to believe that the Aditi after Army happened, is a much more
compassionate and grounded person because I know the value of seemingly small
things like freedom, togetherness and well, life.
How did marrying into the Army impact your
career?
This is something that I’ve been asked in every interview about my book
and/or writing career, because people think that an Army Wife with a steady
career is a myth. People seem to think that the only viable career option for
an Army Wife is that of a Teacher. But hey, it’s not! I am exhibit – A of an
Army Wife with a career other than teaching. I am a Digital Advertising girl
and I have been blessed with good friends and amazing past clients who work
with me even today. I now work with an Adventure & Outdoor firm called GIO
Adventures, handling their Media and Advertising. I am on board of a start up
Publishing House called Ink Horn Publishing India. My first book is extremely
well received by both, the Army and the civilians alike. I write for Huffington
Post, and a lot of other publications and I also earn through my blog. With all
this in place, I also get to be with my husband during peace postings, and that
is going to be my priority numero uno,
always. True, my contemporaries from my advertising days are way ahead of me,
career wise, but in the end, it’s a choice you have to make and I made mine.
What is a regular day in your life like?
I have a 3-year-old daughter so my regular day involves a lot of crayons,
play-dough-art pieces, constantly wiping snot from my work clothes and a lot of
hysterical laughter. In the morning, I head to work after sending the husband
and the kid off to the office and school. I get back home by 1:15pm for lunch,
right in time for the daughter to arrive. After trying to make her eat, I have
lunch with the husband and then, as he takes the mandatory afternoon nap, I
take the daughter with me to my office which is a play area for her because of
the huge gardens and the occasional tent or sleeping bags laid out to dry. We
get back home around 6, have the evening tea and snacks with the husband and
then…oh, I know, it’s complicated, but we make it work. It sure is hectic at
times, but the fact that I can work from home in times of emergencies, is a
blessing.
What do you love most about being an Army
wife?
You mean besides being married to the love of my life, who is an Army
Officer? I’ll have to say it’s the pride that comes with being an Army Wife.
Being a part of the Silent Ranks is what makes it special, because it’s a bunch
of resilient and fabulous ladies who are the true example of Empowered Women. That
is the best part, hands down.
What do you dislike most about being an Army
wife?
Women who wear their husband’s ranks and treat other (mostly, junior)
wives with rudeness and/or hostility, or, in the sly guise of “grooming”
someone, end up hurting them. Arrogance should not be acceptable in the Army or
outside, it’s a simple as that.
What inspired you to write your first book
‘Soldier and Spice’?
I was a total and utter civilian, with zero or very little knowledge
about the world of Army Wives. Only when I became one, did I realize that it
was incredibly overwhelming, fascinating, tempting and scary – all at the same
time. I read a lot, and I realized that there was nothing written about the
things that I was experiencing as a newbie in Army-Wife world. So I wrote it.
Soldier & Spice: An Army Wife’s Life is the story of Pia and her
first year as an Indian Army Wife. The inspiration was all the kick-ass and
super cool Army Wives I’ve met so far.
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| At her book launch |
What is your upcoming book about? Is it a
sequel to Soldier and Spice?
My next book is a simple story of a girl who falls in love with an
Army Officer, but is haunted by her own past and the scary future of being
married to the olive green and her indecisions. It is a story of how she
finally lets go of her indecisions and her fears. It is humour genre though, so
all this is packaged in a fun, laugh-out-loud fashion. I hope most of us Army
Wives, especially the ones with no Army background, will relate to. It is
related to Soldier and Spice, because it is in a way, a prequel to it. “Love,
Whatever That mean…” (yes, that’s the title) ends where Soldier & Spice
starts. But, I’ve changed the names to keep the fun alive. Read it for funny
anecdotes and hilarious (according to me, at least) episodes of when a civilian
girl dates an Army Officer.
How do you deal with the periods of
separation in the Army?
I deal
with periods of separation very badly. I will not lie, being away from him
sucks and no one in the world can tell me that I need to ‘get used to it’. I
become irritable and needy, and now that I have a kid, I feel even more alone
and exhausted when he’s away. But I persevere. I keep waiting for the day he’ll
come on a leave or the day we’ll meet and I try to keep my head over water till
that day. Keeping myself busy with my work also helps to some extent, but not
always. So yeah, basically I count down till the day we meet and keep it
together meanwhile. But then, like I wrote in Soldier & Spice, “meanwhile
is the worst time.” A friend of mine gave me a few fridge magnets when I was
about to get married, and if I had to sum up my life during separation, it will
be through the wisdom of those fridge magnets:
Army Wives: Sacrificing Months of Sex For The Country!
She Who Waits, Also Serves.
And my
favorite:
There is Strong. There is Army Strong. And then there is
Army Wife Strong.
Nothing
like little snippets of inspiration to get you through, right?
And when you’re staying together, but he (the
husband) still doesn’t have time (because they’re always so busy
with work)?
In my 6 years as an Army Wife, I’ve realized that the husband will never
have enough time. And I am fine with it now. Almost. We at least get to have
most meals together and that is a blessing. Okay okay, as you can probably
tell, I am clearly dreading a field posting and I am trying to gain some good
karma by being happy about the little things. It might work, right? *wink*
Which has been your favourite military station till date and why?Kaluchak. Devlali. Dehradun. So basically all stations where we’ve stayed
together so far, are my favourites. Incredibly cheesy, I know, but true.
How do you manage the numerous social
engagements that come with being an Army wife?
Tough one to answer in a public forum so I’ll just be sufficiently ambiguous and point out that I am a full time working woman with a 3-year-old kid, and I attend whatever functions I can. *smiles serenely*
Tough one to answer in a public forum so I’ll just be sufficiently ambiguous and point out that I am a full time working woman with a 3-year-old kid, and I attend whatever functions I can. *smiles serenely*
Do you love wearing sarees (considering we have to wear one too many)? What are your favourite ones?
I love wearing sarees and like all Army Wives, am addicted to saree
shopping. I am only fairly comfortable in sarees though, not a pro yet, so I
tend to go for easy-to-carry materials like Italian Crepe, Georgette, and
art-silks. My taste in clothes is pretty contemporary, and though I have all
the regular Must-Haves in my wardrobe like Banarasi Silk and Assamese Mekhla
Chador, I love my sarees with a quirk, a modern twist. For example, a have a
pure linen saree in white and green, that has elements of Devnagri script
written (actually, printed) on it. Also, the soft silk I wore for the Mumbai
launch of my book. I also love love LOVE khadi and linen sarees.
In your opinion, what are the 5 must-have wardrobe pieces for an army
wife?
1. A black saree for black-n-white themes
2. A floral saree for spring theme
3. A red or blue, preferable a red and blue saree if you’re an Arty Wife
(red and blue being the Arty colors). What? I’m telling it like it is. It might
save help a new Army wife some wardrobe trouble, heehee.
4. Honestly, a wrap around long skirt to quickly tie over your shorts
when the bell rings for Saab’s gadi, Saab’s Sahayak, Saab’s signature or your
signature on the ladies Club circular. I am serious, the wrap around skirt kept
on the dining table comes in verrry handy. The fashion of the Wrap Around
Cotton Skirts might have long left us, but invest in one purely for practical
purposes.
5. Stilettoes that are high enough to make your saree look stunning, but
sensible enough to not sink in the soil in all those inevitable garden parties.
In fact, I’ve ditched the pencil heels altogether after having a kid, and
embraced the comfortable goodness of the Wedge Heels.
What is the ONE style rule an Army wife should never forget?
I’m no style expert, but the rule of
sticking to my comfort zone has proved to be helpful. Just because everyone is effortlessly
carrying a pashmina shawl on one shoulder without it falling down, or carrying
off sleeveless blouses beautifully in the middle of December in Dehradun,
doesn’t mean you have to do it too. Be yourself, and wear the damn Rupa warmers
under your saree and six layers of warm clothes. As long as you look
presentable and not shoddy, it’s okay. That said, I want to say to everyone
reading this that please do make an effort to dress up. You might not be into
makeup or styling as per latest trends - most of us aren’t – but wearing a
saree that’s well ironed is part of the very basic etiquette, and goes on to
show that we value ourselves. It’s not about beauty or fashion, it is simply
about respecting the host, the institution.
How different do you think your life would be if you were married to a civilian?
I believe that I would have married
the same person, irrespective of his profession, so personally, I’d have been
the same. Other than that, who knows? And oh, Soldier & Spice would have
been ‘Coder & Spice’ if he was a software coding person (whatever the
correct term is) or ‘Banker & Spice’ if he was a banker – not so much fun,
right? Thank God for the calling to join Army, I say!
What’s your advice to the girlfriends and new wives on living life as an Army Wife?
My first advice would be to be ready to accept the fact that in the life
of a soldier, you will always come after his duty. Learn to be proud of it.
My second advice would be to stick to your morals, your principles and be kind to one another, especially to the new wives when your husband becomes senior-ish. Always remember that kindness goes a long way.
My last advice is to read Soldier & Spice: An Army Wife’s Life. Go, read. Now!
Do you have any message for our fellow citizens (civilians)?
I want to point out that being an army wife is not only about the parties
or glamour – we sacrifice a lot, even in times of peace. So don’t insult us by
bringing up the “benefits” we reap or the discounted alcohol from the CSD.
Also, I want to say that before you make fun of, or dismiss the veterans
fighting for their rights in OROP, before you outrage against the trial of
proven terrorists, and before you support those who chant anti-India slogans in
the name of Freedom of Expression, think of the soldiers dying every day to
protect your freedom and ask yourself - are you worth protecting? A soldier who
dies protecting the nation is not just doing his duty. Army is not just a
profession; it is a calling. Learn to acknowledge it. Jai Hind!
To read more of Aditi's writings, do visit her blog. You can also buy her amazing book on Flipkart or Amazon Kindle version!
